In February, one of my short stories, Nova Lox, was published in Spaceports and Spidersilk, a fantasy and science fiction magazine for middle-graders.
Nova Lox is about a 12-year-old New Yorker, Miles, who finds an alien in his takeout bag at the deli and forms an unlikely friendship with the creature, discovering his own bravery through their adventures along the way. This was my very first official publication, and it felt amazing to see my own byline for the first time ever! And yes, I framed the check and everything :)
And in April, my picture book, The Basement Book, was released! My first official BOOK ever, published by Golden Fleece Press and illustrated by the amazing Yinza Voris! This was the very first story I wrote when becoming a writer over four years ago, so to finally see it become a reality has been unreal and so exciting!
The Basement Book is a whimsical, rhyming story for children in the early grades that captures the joy of childhood imagination while also exploring the bittersweet emotions of growing up. It was inspired by my own childhood, so the story is very close to my heart!
Here's to more publications to come in 2022 and beyond...!
After six drafts, four test readers, and lots of guidance from my children’s lit instructor, I finally sent out the middle-grade novel I’ve been working on for the past two years. Like, actually sent it. Out into the world. For people in children’s publishing to read.
Ahhhhh!
On the one hand, it feels like a huuuuge accomplishment. On the other hand, I’ve been feeling a bit lost ever since.
It reminds me of how I felt after I finished the last Harry Potter book. And that is, “How will I ever be able to read again when I’ll never find characters I feel as close to as Harry, Ron and Hermione?” At the time, every book I picked up just didn’t feel the same. I didn’t know the characters like I knew my Hogwarts buddies. They weren’t my friends. Everything felt foreign, and frankly, a little bit sad.
With my own novel, I’ve noticed that this feeling is multiplied by about a million, give or take a few. Not because my novel is anywhere near the level of Harry Potter, but because the characters in it are mine. They came from me.
I don’t have kids, but I keep wondering if this is what people mean when they say “it’s different when they’re your own” about children. It is. There are tons of literary characters I’ve felt very close to throughout my life (I’m looking at you, Harriet M. Welsch), but when it’s your own novel, each character you create is a part of you. It’s very personal.
And then, one day you go and send your kids—I mean characters out in to the cruel, harsh world and wonder if they’ll do okay. Will people like them? Will they succeed? Did I do enough on my end to set them up for greatness?
Not only that, but without them “at home” anymore, you feel a bit empty. You spend days, weeks, months, years with these people — scheduling your day around them, getting them from one place to the other, orchestrating experiences for them, worrying about them, helping them learn and grow — and then boom. One day they’re gone, and you wonder what you’re supposed to do with yourself now.
I know. As a writer, what I’m supposed to do is to start a new story. Meet new people. Get to know them. But it’s much harder than I thought it would be. It’s a confusing and emotional process to say goodbye to these friends I made and start all over again.
For the record, I’m not claiming that my characters are amazing or that others will connect to them the way I did. It is my first novel after all, and I know that many first novels are a learning process and never make it. But, even if no one else meets these characters, they still meant something to me. For the first time ever in my life, I created people out of nothing and went on a journey with them, and that was special. It makes it hard to let go.
I work at the library, and every day when I look around the shelves, it truly amazes me that so many authors have been able to do this — to create worlds and characters that feel so real to them (and to us, the readers on the other end), say goodbye, and then do it all again, sometimes dozens and dozens of times.
I have to believe I’ll get there someday, but wow. I’m impressed.
Nonetheless, for the past couple of weeks I’ve been trying my best to power through this weird slump by brainstorming new ideas while reading tons of advice from other authors. I still don’t feel like I have a killer story idea together quite yet, but a book that’s been helping me out a lot is John D. Brown’s “Create Story Ideas that Beg to Be Written”
Brown’s insights have been SUPER helpful for taking some of the mystery out of creativity and idea generation. He breaks down the essential elements of story and guides you through the process of creating strong story setups — something I desperately need to practice since initial plotting is always my biggest struggle. Not only that, but he also helps you find your own personal style — the types of stories that make you jazzed in particular — which has been really eye-opening and helpful for finding inspiration.
I’ve also been watching Judy Blume’s Masterclass, which is incredible of course. She talks about a lot of things, but one of my favorite bits is when she describes herself as a “messy writer” with a “messy mind”. She talks about how it takes a lot of wading through that mess to get to the story she wants to tell in the end, which was super encouraging for me to hear since I feel like I’m the same way. And hey, if Judy Blume figured out how to work with her messy mind and come up with great stories, I can too, right?
A girl can dream…
Along with John D. Brown’s book and Judy Blume, another thing that’s been helping me with the brainstorming process is making photo collages. Once I have a rough idea for a story, I like to gather a bunch of related images and throw them all together in an album in Google Images. I “cast” my potential characters, sometimes using images of actors if they fit the part, or sometimes just random images of people on the internet. I also throw in pictures of setting, objects, and anything else that goes along with the “mood” of the story I think I want to create.
Visualizing the characters in their environment this way helps them seem more real to me as I try and get to know them, and often sparks more ideas.
I keep the collage up as I work — while also listening to a soundtrack that feels fitting — and try my best to get into the world of these characters, even if it doesn’t end up being the final world I create.
And, one last thing that helps me power forward during the “I don’t have a fully formed idea” slump is this: whenever I’m trying to create something new — whether it’s a story, a piece of music, a game — it almost feels as though the final, perfect version of that thing already exists somewhere out there in the ether. Who knows, maybe it’s chilling with the rest of Plato’s perfectly formed things somewhere, but wherever it is, I consider it my job to wade through the fog and uncover it piece by piece. Ariadne captures this feeling so perfectly in Inception when she talks about creating dream worlds:
Cobb: Imagine you're designing a building. You consciously create each aspect. But sometimes it feels like it's almost "creating itself", if you know what I mean.
Ariadne: Yeah, like I'm discovering it.
Cobb: Genuine inspiration, right?
Right!? Even though it may sound a little magical, thinking this way helps me feel like the story I’m trying to create can be good some day, even though I’m going to have to wade through a lot of garbage ideas before I discover that version of it.
So, even though I’ve been in a bit of a slump since saying goodbye to my old characters, these past couple weeks of author inspiration, mood boards, music and plot exercises have helped me inch closer to my next story world and begin to meet new people. And that, my friends, is encouraging :)
So, a couple of weeks ago my iPhone battery died and I had to send it in for repairs, leaving me with a dinky flip phone that did nothing but call — for a whole week. This may sound like living in the stone ages, but it was honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me (and my writing).
I’d been daydreaming for a looong time about switching back to a super basic phone, not to because I’m trying to be a hipster, but because I’m a compulsive “checker”. In other words, anything I can check, I will check. All the time. I don’t really know why, but it probably has something to do with that whole dopamine thing.
For this reason, I already don’t have any social media other than LinkedIn (for professional reasons). But even so, texting and being able to access email and the internet from anywhere were distracting enough for me that I sometimes found myself spending a few hours a day on my phone between those three things. Not cool, and definitely not good for my writing.
The only reason I hadn’t already switched back to a flip phone was because I get lost easily and having GPS has prevented me from scenarios like ending up in a Walmart parking lot in the middle of nowhere and having to call my relatives an hour away to help me find my way home (true story).
But, with the temporary loss of my iPhone, I was forced to switch back to the flip phone anyway, and here are some things I’ve noticed so far, specifically related to my writing:
I feel more creative
Getting into the creative mindset each day can be tough as it is, but in my experience, it’s even tougher when my mind is being pulled in lots of different directions throughout the day. For me, texting feels almost like a constant, underlying buzz, because even when I don’t have my phone on me, in the back of my mind I know that something new will have probably come in the next time I pick it up. It creates a pull. A draw. A distraction.
Without that buzz, I’ve noticed that I feel way less frazzled and in turn, more creative. Not having my brain constantly “on” and ready for a new piece of information to come in (even if it’s fun!) leaves more room for me to notice and appreciate all the other things around me, like the snow-covered trees on the way to work or the way my dog comes up to me and wags his tail after every meal because he’s so happy about having eaten. I can’t prove it, but to me it feels like giving my brain the chance to be “quiet” in this way and really notice what’s right in front of me breeds ground for more creative thought throughout the day. And, when my writing time comes, I’m able to get into the creative mindset more easily.
I get to my writing quicker
If there are any writers out there who don’t think writing is hard, I’d LOVE to know your secret. But for me personally, writing is tough, and because of that, I’ll almost always find ways to procrastinate. When I still had texting capabilities, checking messages was a great way to put off my writing for something easier instead, because who wants to solve a gnarly plot problem when there’s a stack of messages with little blue dots next to them, just waiting for you to open?
Without having texting or anything else to check on my phone, I’m finding it much harder to procrastinate, because there’s nothing there to do it with (Well, for the most part. There’s always email on my computer, but it’s not nearly as compelling!)
Cutting off options this way might seem a little extreme, but setting a hard limit on distraction choices by making them non-existent has been incredibly help for me. And even though I still find ways, I’ve noticed that I’m getting to the hard work of writing much quicker each day, which in the end makes me so much happier and more satisfied than the instantaneous stuff!
I go to bed and get up earlier
When I still had a phone with texting and internet, I used to spend a lot of time replying to messages in bed and looking up random things online. Harmless things, like “Who was that actor in that movie?” or “How to make baked oatmeal bars”, but still — did I really need to be looking this stuff up in bed at 11pm? Probably not.
I also noticed that I’d formed a habit of checking my text messages first thing in the morning, which seemed like a bit of an unhealthy and already-distracted way to start my day.
But now, without texting and internet at my fingertips, I read for way longer in bed, I go to sleep earlier, I get out of bed much faster in the morning because there’s nothing else to do, and I start my day without feeling frazzled by that “buzz” of new information. Again, I can’t prove it, but it does feel like getting good, structured sleep and starting the morning with a clear head has a cascading effect on the rest of my day, and when the time comes, makes me feel way more ready to write.
I stay focused for longer
Attention span is a hard thing these days. With so many different technologies, feeds, and things to check, we’re constantly being pulled in different directions, which can make it tough to stay focused.
Having a phone with nothing on it, however, has forced me to return to the “old school” way — having specific places where I do each thing rather than having everything available to me all the time. At my computer, I write and check email. In bed, I sleep and read. My car is for driving. When I’m at work I’m at work. Etc.
This has seriously helped my attention span so much, and I’ve noticed that during writing sessions (and in other areas of life), I’m able to stay focused for way longer. Without the pull of constantly having something to check at any time, from anywhere, I’m finding that I stay on task for longer stretches, and when I do take a break, it’s more of a structured, intentional choice.
My breaks are filled with other things
And, speaking of breaks, when I do take them now, they tend to be more thoughtful. Instead of just being pulled into the world of my phone and seeing what happened to come in, I decide what I want to do with my break. Play piano. Play with my dog. Annoy my partner. Read a chapter of a book. Get some cooking done. Take a walk. It’s not that I didn’t do these things before, but it always felt like they were getting cut into by texting, or sometimes even replaced entirely.
Now, it feels more like how I used to spend my time when I was a kid in the 90s — before there were so many options — and I love getting back to that simplicity. Plus, spending my break on more tangible, real-life things that have a beginning and end tends to leave me feeling more filled up and ready to get back to work afterwards — not frazzled.
Conclusion
I did finally get my iPhone back a few days ago, and I was so happy with all the changes mentioned above that I worked hard to find a way to recreate the same limitations on it that I had on the flip phone. Mainly so that I could get GPS back, but also because honestly, the iPhone’s modern tech is just sooo much easier to use than a junky flip phone.
I spent an hour on the phone with the people at Apple Support, who were very nice and tried to help me figure out a way to remove texting and web-surfing capabilities from my phone. As it turns out, neither of these things are technically possible, but the workaround we figured out was to basically put child lock on my phone (it sounds ridiculous, I know, but it totally worked!)
Using the built-in ScreenTime functionality, I created a separate AppleID so I could essentially be my own parent, and used it to put a bunch of content restrictions on my phone so that Safari disappears and I can’t open the texting app. Then I had my partner enter the secret passcode so that even if I wanted to go in and change the settings back, I can’t!
It works brilliantly! I have all the essentials I like having on my phone now (GPS, calling, FaceTime, weather, clock), and none of the things that distract me.
I also feel like I’m just as available as I was before, and to be honest, I’ve found that most things are SO much easier and faster to solve through a phonecall than through a text conversation! Plus, I find that I feel way more connected to people through phonecalls and video chats anyway. I can’t say I miss texting, and I’m also realizing how easy it was for me to hide behind it (because lets be honest — calling can be a little scary/awkward at times!)
I also want to add that all of this is just what works for me personally. I’m definitely not passing judgement on anyone who texts or uses their phone in the ways I’ve mentioned, and I know that in many cases it’s logistically impossible not to (like if you have kids, a job that requires it, etc). It just happens to be what’s working for me to help me meet my goals (especially when it comes to writing) and have a healthier lifestyle/mindset.
Technology will always keep moving forward, but I feel it’s my personal responsibility to assess its role in my life every so often and decide whether or not it’s serving me. And if not? It’s got to go!
This blog is a place I made to talk about my journey to becoming a writer and everything that’s come with it so far :) It’s mostly a way for me to get my own thoughts out, but if anyone happens to stumble across it and relate, that’s great too! It’s always so encouraging to connect with other writers and share about the joys and struggles of this wonderful medium.
Having spent most of my professional life as a videogame developer, my path to writing is a bit of a roundabout one that probably looks very random on paper.
But wait! I promise there's a common thread running through it all if you stick with me ‘til the end :)
First things first. From the time I was little, I always loved making things and was drawn to creative fields. I grew up going to Walt DisneyWorld with my grandmother and was fascinated by the “behind-the-scenes” rides where you got to learn about animation, special effects, music and everything else it took to create something out of nothing to make experiences for people to enjoy. To me, it was a form of magic.
Let’s go see some behind the scenes stuff, Grandma!
That magic stuck with me as I got older, and in my pre-teen years I discovered a similar spark when, through my WalkMan headphones, I heard violinist Joshua Bell play Kreisler’s Praeludium and Allegro on a classical CD my mom had forced me to bring on a trip to Jamaica. My 13-year-old brain was amazed that such a beautiful, moving sound could come from a piece of wood with strings stretched across it, and there it was again: that act of creating something from nothing and turning it into magic. It once again blew my mind, and eventually led me to major in violin performance in college.
Joshua Bell being amazing
Me trying to be Joshua Bell
But halfway through my violin studies in college, a surprise happened! Because I went to Carnegie Mellon — a school known for both arts and technology — I ended up accidentally stumbling across robotics and computer science. Until then, neither were fields I’d even known I was interested in, but robotics brought back memories of the Audio Animatronics I’d been so fascinated with as a kid at DisneyWorld, and I was curious to see what it was all about behind the scenes. I decided to take an introductory class called “Fun with Robots” as a break from my music studies, and was immediately hooked. Right away, I recognized that coding was yet another way to make cool stuff out of nothing, and I loved it.
My discovery of the tech side eventually led me to the wonderful world of videogames, and soon after “Fun with Robots”, I joined the school’s video game creation club. Videogames seemed to hold boundless opportunities for unique world-building and storytelling, and I found that I loved the way they brought together so many different creative disciplines — art, music, technology, writing — not unlike the magical experiences that had inspired me as a child at DisneyWorld.
Using my musical background, I started out composing videogame soundtracks for the club and later took computer science classes so I could learn to program the games as well.
Some game music I wrote during that time
I continued with my music and programming studies throughout the end of college and then moved on to graduate school at Carnegie Mellon’s Entertainment Technology Center, a program that focuses on combining the “left brain” and “right brain” to create interactive media (even MORE making stuff! Yay!) As I worked on projects there, I quickly realized that I not only loved making things, but especially making things for kids, which wasn’t surprising given that I’d always gravitated towards children’s entertainment myself.
But hold on, this is supposed to be a blog about writing, isn’t it? What’s all this about DisneyWorld and violin and videogames for kids? Well, the reason I haven’t mentioned anything about books yet is because I have a terrible secret. One that I should probably admit before I go any further...
*drumrooooll*
I hated reading from the ages of 10 to 20. Gasp. I know. It’s awful, but it’s true.
Here’s the thing: I loved to read in elementary school (Half Magic and the Anastasia Krupnik books were my jam), but then something terrible happened. We started getting tested on books in middle school, and I got super stressed out. Not to bash school or any of my wonderful teachers, but unfortunately, the pressure to remember facts about a book so I could fill them out on a test zapped all the joy out of reading for me. I developed a compulsive habit of reading every sentence of every book at least three times so that I’d remember everything. I don’t think this method even worked, but sadly it turned reading into nothing but a painful, agonizing chore. I completely forgot the joy of reading words on paper and having them turn into incredible worlds inside my head.
For ten long, sad years.
A non-staged photo someone took of me trying to read The Hobbit on a camping trip
But then one day, my graduate-school friend Amy told me that I should really read Harry Potter, because seriously, how had I not?
“No thanks,” I told her. “I hate reading.”
“Come on, it’s really good.”
“I hate reading. I’m a slow reader.” I told her about my 3x sentence problem.
“Here, try the first book on tape,” she said, handing me Jim Dale’s recording of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. “Then you won’t get bogged down.”
Reluctantly, I took it home, and because I didn’t want to disappoint Amy, I listened. And guess what? Amy was totally right (duh). It was really, really good (double duh). So good, in fact, that a few weeks later I picked up Chamber of Secrets at the library, in book form, by choice — a feat I hadn’t performed since elementary school (the only reason I even had a library card at the time was for checking out Jillian Michaels workout DVDs).
I took Chamber of Secrets home and for the first time in ten years, I read. For FUN. Harry, Ron and Hermione became my friends. I was blown away by how the words on the paper turned into an epic visual movie reel inside my head — something I’d completely forgotten that books could do. The spark that was once my elementary school love of reading was suddenly rekindled, and the rest is history.
So, first of all, thanks Amy (!!!), and second of all, boy did I have a lot of catching up to do. Ten years is a long time to not pick up a book, and there was so much I missed.
But wait, isn’t this blog supposed to be about writing? Not music and videogames and finally rediscovering that reading is awesome? Yes, and I’m almost there, I promise (I told you it was roundabout).
After graduate school, I moved out to the Midwest to work as a programmer at a small company that makes educational videogames for kids, and spent most of my free time devouring all the literature I’d missed out on during the years I thought I hated books.
I made a lot of incredible fictional friends (Harriet M. Welsch, Ramona Quimby, Mary Anne Spier), discovered I had a favorite genre (middle grade), and even learned new things about myself, like that I love being scared to death (thanks, Stephen King!)
And somewhere along the way, I began to realize that the same magic I’d always been drawn to creatively existed right here in all these books. These authors were taking words, and using them to craft immersive worlds for people — just like bowing across the four strings of a violin to create music or coding algorithms to build videogame worlds.
The other thing I began to realize was that the middle grade books I loved most were the ones that dealt with with some of the tougher issues for kids, similar to much of the interactive media I’d worked on throughout my career. One series I completely fell in love with was The Baby-Sitters Club (I’m way late to the game, I know), and while some of the books are more lighthearted, many cover issues like racism, divorce, blended families, chronic illness, caring for children with disabilities, loss, and more. I was so impressed with Ann M. Martin's thoughtful, sensitive handling of these topics and it reminded me of what I’ve always loved about creating children’s media — the opportunity to provide kids with meaningful entertainment that helps them understand and cope with the world around them.
Suddenly, I wanted to try it myself.
Meanwhile, while I was falling in love with middle grade fiction and catching the writing bug, I was becoming increasingly disillusioned with the videogame industry and the direction it was headed (at least in the branches I was in — no hate to all the videogame peeps out there doing awesome things!) So much seemed to be about making money as opposed to using creativity to build experiences that would leave people feeling filled up and inspired, which has been my only reason for ever wanting to make anything, and I desperately wanted to get back to that.
Monkey Island said it all...
While still working as a programmer, I began writing in my free time, starting with a picture book manuscript based on one of my favorite childhood memories. And even though I was a total novice, I loved it. After working in the videogame world for so long — where so many tech hurdles must be overcome before you can even get to the storytelling part — it felt amazing to be able to craft entire worlds with just words.
Soon after that, I read Stephen King’s On Writing and fell in love with the way he describes writing as a form of telepathy — a “meeting of the minds” where the author’s vision is transferred across space and time to the reader on the other end, just with words.
How cool is that!? And how had I not realized this amazing medium right in front of me all this time!?
I was becoming obsessed with writing at a rapid rate and did my best to teach myself for about a year and a half, reading lots of books and listening to podcasts and practicing every day. I set out to write a middle-grade novel and kept to my goal of writing 1000 words every single day until it was done. I was proud of myself when I finished, but boy, the writing was terrible! I had the heart and the drive, but I knew I needed formal, technical training if I truly wanted to become a good writer.
I’d been learning a lot from the podcasts put out by the Institute of Children’s Literature, so I looked into their courses and decided to enroll. I was slightly worried that it might be a scam at first, but it turned out to be the opposite of a scam and the best class I’ve ever taken. I’ve been working through the assignments for the past year — each of which is designed to teach you a different skill necessary for children’s writing — and working with a personal writing instructor, which every student is paired with for the duration of the course. Having that relationship has been invaluable, and I’ve seriously learned SO much. It was exactly the type of training I’d been looking for.
So, that’s where I’m at now. I’m about three years into the writing life (oh, and I work at the library now instead of in videogames — yay books!), and I’m still learning tons and trying to get better every day. I’m really, really happy, and I feel like I’ve finally found the creative form that fits me best. I’m not published yet, but I’m working super hard to get there!
Works I've completed so far (I’m only counting the ones I consider polished/close to submission-ready):
A picture book manuscript
A middle-grade novel
Several middle-grade short stories
A handful of middle-grade nonfiction pieces
This ridiculously long first blog post (I promise the rest will be shorter)
